Opinion Politics

McTernan: from lickspittle errand boy to celebrated onanist

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“I am not a Tory, so shut it, pal.”
© John McTernan

It’s hard to imagine that the celebrated onanist, John McTernan, actually needs to hire himself out to every television programme that comes knocking for one of the tedious rent-a-bile performances that have become his stock-in-trade. After all, having a hand in the destruction of the Scottish and Australian Labour Parties must be have been a very profitable excursion for McTernan.

McTernan. A former errand boy for Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, and Jim Murphy. He has emerged as the go-to-guy for news programmes requiring bitter, two-minute attacks on the Labour-left and Jeremy Corbyn, masquerading as expert analysis. His tiresome act never changes. He is the Roy Chubby Brown of TV political punditry.

Over the last year, McTernan has become a cliché; joining the ranks of a lumpen-commentariat that includes the likes of Dan Hodges, Polly Toynbee, David Aaronovitch, and Nick Cohen.

These London literati-luvvies line up like a human centipede; their lips sewn to each other’s arse-holes, digesting and recycling the same anti-Corbyn, pro-status quo narrative. They pat each other on the backs, while basking in the adoration of the liberal middle classes that hang on their every word. Regardless of how asinine they have become.

McTernan has been a member of the Labour Party for 42 years; a gobsmacking feat which he never tires of telling anyone that has the audacity to question his socialist credentials.

You would be forgiven for inquiring where McTernan stands politically. He is more than happy to praise Thatcher for her attack on mining communities, and for her economic policies, on which he says:

“She changed the economic structure of the country for good. As in forever. But also for good. It’s a good thing she did what she did.”

He was also a fan of her programme of privatisation, but claims that he would have gone even further:

“There’s a far wider range of assets that are currently owned by the government which I would privatise. I would have privatised the Underground if I could have done.”

McTernan writes anti-Labour Party articles for the Daily Telegraph, the most recent of which was titled “The Tories should crush the rail unions once and for all – voters would thank them for it.

A cuckoo in the nest, McTernan is pro-privatisation of the NHS; against the introduction of a living wage; a supporter of the wholesale closure of libraries, and is against renationalisation of the rail network (the selling off of which, in the 1990’s, he described as one of John Major’s great achievements). He was a huge supporter of the war in Iraq, and has subsequently called for further invasions in the region.

McTernan, a modern-day Joseph McCarthy, despises the Labour-left with a passion, seeing a Trot or a Corbynite under very bed and around every corner. He seemingly revels in being labelled a Red-Tory, recently tweeting that “Fighting Tories is business, fighting Trots is pleasure.”

Despite McTernan being part of the New Labour set-up as it became toxic; despite his car-crash stint working for Julia Gillard in Australia; despite his toadying around Jim Murphy and destroying Scottish Labour – he is viewed as some sort of fucking all-knowing oracle, rather than the failed yesterday’s man that he actually is.

The clueless McTernan probably believes that he is in demand because of his stunning insights.

He couldn’t be more wrong. He is the modern-day equivalent of John Lydon; invited onto various TV shows in the desperate hope he will say something controversial, to create controversy and boost ratings. McTernan has become a pathetic circus act, rather than a serious political commentator.

It is not all bad news for the risible McTernan. It would appear that he has been bequeathed Ronnie Corbett’s wardrobe, judging by the huge shirt collars he has been smugly peering over, lately.

The sooner the Labour Party shake this Tory crab-louse from its collective pubic thatch, the better.

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